[ Ah... Well, Bones didn't mean to bring the mood down. He has seen terrible things, even been the cause for several of them. But he isn't used to getting sympathy for them, isn't really used to doing more than brushing off the horrible stuff he's been through, when it feels like another lifetime ago.
He doesn't know what to do with Edgin's kindness. It makes him itch for something like a drink, in that way he knows won't do him any good. ]
Being the only doctor for miles and miles will do that.
[ He looks down and away, trying to find words that aren't just an attempt to brush off Edgin's concern, maybe give him something that isn't more of the same bullshit he gives most people. Edgin's serious about this, he can tell, and Leonard finds himself wanting more of it. He's sure he doesn't deserve any sympathy, but Edgin somehow makes all that trauma seem like it matters. ]
I used to say I was used to it. But with all the drinking... pretty obvious I wasn't, huh?
[ Even if he carries them with him still, he's supposed to move on. He could only carry so much hurt with him. His father, his family, those were more immediate hurts. But seeing what he's seen... it wasn't easy. He sighs. ]
It's easier now that I'm dead. [ He shakes his head. ] Sorry, I know that's kind of fucked up, but it's true.
[ Easier to put distance between himself and his patients, easier to not care about every novice that walks through his door. Bones doesn't indulge in a lot of the cultural norms most vampires follow, but... he can't deny this one helps. It makes him a better doctor, even if he knows it makes him a worse person. ]
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cw alcoholism
He doesn't know what to do with Edgin's kindness. It makes him itch for something like a drink, in that way he knows won't do him any good. ]
Being the only doctor for miles and miles will do that.
[ He looks down and away, trying to find words that aren't just an attempt to brush off Edgin's concern, maybe give him something that isn't more of the same bullshit he gives most people. Edgin's serious about this, he can tell, and Leonard finds himself wanting more of it. He's sure he doesn't deserve any sympathy, but Edgin somehow makes all that trauma seem like it matters. ]
I used to say I was used to it. But with all the drinking... pretty obvious I wasn't, huh?
[ Even if he carries them with him still, he's supposed to move on. He could only carry so much hurt with him. His father, his family, those were more immediate hurts. But seeing what he's seen... it wasn't easy. He sighs. ]
It's easier now that I'm dead. [ He shakes his head. ] Sorry, I know that's kind of fucked up, but it's true.
[ Easier to put distance between himself and his patients, easier to not care about every novice that walks through his door. Bones doesn't indulge in a lot of the cultural norms most vampires follow, but... he can't deny this one helps. It makes him a better doctor, even if he knows it makes him a worse person. ]