[ Bones barks a laugh, taking Edgin's hand and squeezing tight. ]
That's only 'cause I'm a whole lot nicer to the people I care about than the rest of the assholes in this castle.
[ Well, and Jim. But he's not mean to Jim, he just teases him. And yells sometimes. But only if he has it coming. Still, the words cut deep, and Bones looks away almost on principle. ]
Dunno if I can claim to be 'good,' but hearing it from you makes me want to believe it, Ed.
I think it must be about intentions. Being good, I mean.
[ People imply and tell him he's good and kind pretty regularly, but he'd never thought of himself as much of either once he started stealing. And certainly not after his family died. ]
And I've seen your intentions. You want to help people. That's enough, you know? You just gotta use that same instinct.
[ Bones' smile is warm, though he looks down at their joined hands. He knows from his own heart that Edgin probably feels the same way. How can they claim to be good, when they've hurt the people closest to them? ]
I guess I wanna help people to make up for all the ways I've messed up in the past.
[ He looks up at Edgin, admiring his kind features, and allowing his calm encouragement to wash over him. If Joanna saw him now... would she understand as well as Edgin does? He hopes so. ]
You'll do right just be being you. By being around.
[ Edgin's certain in this, even if he's a whole hell of a lot less certain on what he'd do if Kira was still alive somehow. Some things were simply easier to see when they involved other people. ]
[ Ain't that just the way... Bones would say the same, but he wants to help Edgin feel better, and that means focusing on himself. This is all difficult to talk about with other people, but Edgin gets it. And if talking about this can help Edgin with his pain, then all the better. ]
If I can actually manage it. She'd have to be here for me to see too much of 'er, and I don't think my heart could take it if she showed up at Courtsheart with some rando as her maker.
[ Actually, saying it now, he starts to shake his head. He may be overdoing it for the sake of being dramatic, or he may really think this way... ]
Edgin, that's my baby girl. If she showed up here, I'd... I'd send 'er home straight to her momma, I don't care who tries to stop me.
Yeah, don't think too hard about that one. Letters are better--and, you know, you might get to leave sometime. That's how I found Jim.
[ oh two horrible topics in one response, thinking about their kids showing up here and thinking about jim who left him.
But he definitely doesn't want to go down the what if of their daughters showing up here. Edgin already knows the answer to that. He'd fight everyone until a Black Court vampire had to stick a dread blade in his heart, and even then he wouldn't stop until he ran out of every drop of his blue blood. ]
[ Bones shakes his head, trying to work those thoughts out of his head. It's easier to do so when he focuses on Edgin, and oh -- they'd been doing a good job of avoiding any talk of Jim (aka: the source of Edgin's pain) for a while now, so Bones is happy to keep things on him, avoiding that particular Novice-shaped problem.
Bones is gonna have to talk to Jim about this when he gets a chance. The kid can't just avoid Edgin forever, not for both their sakes'. For right now though, he'll focus on the things he can do. Getting a letter out to his daughter seems reasonable compared to all that. ]
Yeah, a letter's probably a good startin' point.
[ He sighs. Somehow talking about this hypothetical is much easier than the one where he does everything in his power to save his daughter from this same fate. ]
I wouldn't wanna surprise her, showing up like this. My ex-wife knows I went to Courtsheart, but she probably figures I got 'thralled. Not like she had any reason to think I'd make it.
Edited (he's already dead oops) 2024-03-06 22:57 (UTC)
[ Bones's eyes warm, Edgin's clear belief in him hits him like a blow to the chest. Jocelyn may have believed in him like that once, but in the years leading up to their split...? No, he'd proven her wrong countless times. But he doesn't want to argue it, and Edgin is hurting, this isn't about him. ]
Appreciate the vote of confidence, Ed. Don't think she'd share it, but there's really only one way to find out.
[ And that is... to reach out to her. And his daughter. Bones exhales a breath uselessly. ]
Uh, actually, how would I get a letter out of here? Black Court controls everything going in and out, don't they?
[ Bones really hasn't even tried writing a letter. He knows the name of his village and everything, but would they even still be there? He only gives Edgin the slightest of looks, brow arching in interest. ]
There's a story there, I'll bet. But you won't hear me complainin', I just wanna get in touch with her. Don't matter what it takes.
[ Edgin nods. He should be trying to figure out whether Kira is really alive, and not just sitting in Bones's office like a lump, but here he is anyway. ]
[ He can totally do both! And Bones is happy to keep him here, if it helps keep him distracted from his pain and loss. ]
So, the "business," huh? I really won't ask -- back when I was a doctor, a human doctor, you know -- I healed people no matter what. What they did or where they came from didn't matter to me. Still doesn't.
[ He crosses his arms, shooting Edgin a bit of a smirk. ]
Course, if they get themselves injured doing dumb shit, I might have to yell at 'em as I'm healing 'em. But it's your business, Ed. I won't butt in.
[ That's the truth, he hasn't done any real thieving since he was turned. There's so much there. So much he should probably say, even though they're all supposed to act like the human parts of their lives are over. ]
[ Bones nods. He gets it. It's another life but not at all. And Bones means it when he says it's Edgin's business -- whenever Edgin wants to talk, they can talk. There will be a time and a place.
Plus, he certainly won't judge Edgin. He's not exactly a model citizen, he would heal the innocent just as well as the guilty, it never mattered to him. ]
Getting turned into a vampire is a pretty good reason to quit.
[ Bones makes a face like he clearly doesn't get it -- and he doesn't, but he can see enough in Edgin's body language to know that it's nothing good. ]
You don't have to tell me, if you don't wanna. We can talk about anythin' else.
[ He knows Edgin blames himself for his wife's death. Whether or not his daughter was alive... well, if it really was punishment, had someone taken her from him? ]
I'd rather not talk about it, if it's all the same. It's not that I don't trust you, I just...
[ Edgin knows he'll fall apart if he talks about this now, this emotional. Exactly like he had when Bones had found him drunk, except now he's sober and will have to deal with it even more. ]
[ Bones reaches and sets a hand on Edgin's shoulder, squeezing tight in reassurance. ]
You didn't come here for me to make you sad. And I ain't looking to make things hurt worse.
[ He smiles, knowing exactly how bad it hurts, when your mistakes feel like wounds are on display. ]
How about this? How about we plan our next date. I know you said you'd take me stargazing, and I'm lookin' forward to that, but I'm thinkin' the one after. You ever been out ridin'? Figure it might make for a change of pace.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
That's only 'cause I'm a whole lot nicer to the people I care about than the rest of the assholes in this castle.
[ Well, and Jim. But he's not mean to Jim, he just teases him. And yells sometimes. But only if he has it coming. Still, the words cut deep, and Bones looks away almost on principle. ]
Dunno if I can claim to be 'good,' but hearing it from you makes me want to believe it, Ed.
no subject
[ People imply and tell him he's good and kind pretty regularly, but he'd never thought of himself as much of either once he started stealing. And certainly not after his family died. ]
And I've seen your intentions. You want to help people. That's enough, you know? You just gotta use that same instinct.
no subject
I guess I wanna help people to make up for all the ways I've messed up in the past.
[ He looks up at Edgin, admiring his kind features, and allowing his calm encouragement to wash over him. If Joanna saw him now... would she understand as well as Edgin does? He hopes so. ]
Thanks. I hope I can do right by her, somehow.
no subject
[ Edgin's certain in this, even if he's a whole hell of a lot less certain on what he'd do if Kira was still alive somehow. Some things were simply easier to see when they involved other people. ]
no subject
If I can actually manage it. She'd have to be here for me to see too much of 'er, and I don't think my heart could take it if she showed up at Courtsheart with some rando as her maker.
[ Actually, saying it now, he starts to shake his head. He may be overdoing it for the sake of being dramatic, or he may really think this way... ]
Edgin, that's my baby girl. If she showed up here, I'd... I'd send 'er home straight to her momma, I don't care who tries to stop me.
no subject
[ oh two horrible topics in one response, thinking about their kids showing up here and thinking about jim who left him.
But he definitely doesn't want to go down the what if of their daughters showing up here. Edgin already knows the answer to that. He'd fight everyone until a Black Court vampire had to stick a dread blade in his heart, and even then he wouldn't stop until he ran out of every drop of his blue blood. ]
no subject
Bones is gonna have to talk to Jim about this when he gets a chance. The kid can't just avoid Edgin forever, not for both their sakes'. For right now though, he'll focus on the things he can do. Getting a letter out to his daughter seems reasonable compared to all that. ]
Yeah, a letter's probably a good startin' point.
[ He sighs. Somehow talking about this hypothetical is much easier than the one where he does everything in his power to save his daughter from this same fate. ]
I wouldn't wanna surprise her, showing up like this. My ex-wife knows I went to Courtsheart, but she probably figures I got 'thralled. Not like she had any reason to think I'd make it.
no subject
[ he says it like there's no doubt in his mind; like he can't imagine a scenario where Bones was enthralled. ]
no subject
Appreciate the vote of confidence, Ed. Don't think she'd share it, but there's really only one way to find out.
[ And that is... to reach out to her. And his daughter. Bones exhales a breath uselessly. ]
Uh, actually, how would I get a letter out of here? Black Court controls everything going in and out, don't they?
no subject
[ Edgin looks a little sheepish, like he's admitting something bad: ]
I, uh, know a guy. I think he's still in the business.
no subject
[ Bones really hasn't even tried writing a letter. He knows the name of his village and everything, but would they even still be there? He only gives Edgin the slightest of looks, brow arching in interest. ]
There's a story there, I'll bet. But you won't hear me complainin', I just wanna get in touch with her. Don't matter what it takes.
no subject
[ Edgin nods. He should be trying to figure out whether Kira is really alive, and not just sitting in Bones's office like a lump, but here he is anyway. ]
no subject
So, the "business," huh? I really won't ask -- back when I was a doctor, a human doctor, you know -- I healed people no matter what. What they did or where they came from didn't matter to me. Still doesn't.
[ He crosses his arms, shooting Edgin a bit of a smirk. ]
Course, if they get themselves injured doing dumb shit, I might have to yell at 'em as I'm healing 'em. But it's your business, Ed. I won't butt in.
no subject
[ That's the truth, he hasn't done any real thieving since he was turned. There's so much there. So much he should probably say, even though they're all supposed to act like the human parts of their lives are over. ]
I used to be a thief, before. Not anymore.
no subject
Plus, he certainly won't judge Edgin. He's not exactly a model citizen, he would heal the innocent just as well as the guilty, it never mattered to him. ]
Getting turned into a vampire is a pretty good reason to quit.
no subject
[ Which was all backwards, he knew. Vampires saw themselves as bestowing gifts, granting immortality. ]
no subject
You don't have to tell me, if you don't wanna. We can talk about anythin' else.
[ He knows Edgin blames himself for his wife's death. Whether or not his daughter was alive... well, if it really was punishment, had someone taken her from him? ]
no subject
[ Edgin knows he'll fall apart if he talks about this now, this emotional. Exactly like he had when Bones had found him drunk, except now he's sober and will have to deal with it even more. ]
no subject
[ Bones reaches and sets a hand on Edgin's shoulder, squeezing tight in reassurance. ]
You didn't come here for me to make you sad. And I ain't looking to make things hurt worse.
[ He smiles, knowing exactly how bad it hurts, when your mistakes feel like wounds are on display. ]
How about this? How about we plan our next date. I know you said you'd take me stargazing, and I'm lookin' forward to that, but I'm thinkin' the one after. You ever been out ridin'? Figure it might make for a change of pace.
no subject
I appreciate your confidence that I'm not going to totally botch our date.
no subject
He smirks, keeping his tone light. ]
Now how would you go an' do that? I already like spendin' time with you, so you can't go wrong doin' that under the stars.