[ Oh, now the attention is on him. Bones feels a bit like a deer in headlights, knowing he walked himself into this. And wouldn't it be kinder, to play for Edgin than make the man play when he's obviously upset? Shit. Not that Bones' choice in music is going to do much for Edgin's mood. ]
You wanna hear it? It ain't much good, I'm a doctor not a musician.
[ But he does swing the strap over his shoulder, walking back to join Edgin. It's pretty clear he's already decided. He's doing this. ]
[ Bones huffs a clear disagreement, but he won't argue with Edgin. He sets the guitar in his hands and takes a completely unnecessary breath. ]
I've just got the chorus so far.
[ He knows the chords, hands finding their place easily. He'd picked up guitar as a teenager, wanting to impress Jocelyn and maybe play something for his mom and dad. Pretty soon he'd gotten too busy with work and taking over the clinic, but in those rare instances where he wasn't a disaster, he'd played for his wife and daughter.
Now he's playing for Edgin. It's still scary as hell, but he cares about Ed. So he starts, singing the chorus slowly, his low drawl making for an even more sorrowful song. ]
Tongue Tied I can feel the shadows Your eyes I don't know 'em now...
[ Shit, he started learning this song about missing his daughter, but with how Edgin's feeling, this might have been a bad idea. ]
[ It's not like what he would've played anything that was happier. It's like he'd said, he was working on something sad, too. But he closes his eyes and listens, hearing the feeling and the way Bones plays, which is a lot better than the man gives himself credit for.
It's lovely, really, and he finds himself relaxing a bit, giving into the shared sorrow between them. Maybe it was easier if they both carried it. ]
[ Misery loves company, right? There's something to that shared sadness, of losing what they had and fearing being forgotten. Bones knows Edgin gets it. Maybe that's what makes it easier to get into the song, and really let himself feel every word. ]
Tongue Tied I can feel the shadows Oh I... I don't know you now
[ He smiles sadly, finishing off the rest of the chorus and playing a few extra chords, just to give the song a smoother ending for now. Edgin makes it so much easier to think about his sadness and his family. Bones would be embarrassed to be so raw around most anyone else but him. ]
[ Bones' weary smile is light, for all that it's met with that same sadness. It's nice to think that Edgin liked it. Edgin knows what he's doing when it comes to music, and more than that... Edgin knows sorrow pretty well. ]
Thanks, man.
[ He can't call it flattery, when it's so clearly not. Bones takes the guitar off of his shoulders, and onto his lap. Edgin's talked about plenty tonight, maybe his problems might distract him more still. ]
I thought about what I'd wanna say, you know, if I meet Joanna after all these years. Well, I couldn't decide what I'd say, so...
[ Bones hums agreement. A song is too emotional, yet distant at the same time. And he'd played for Joanna back when she was little... maybe she'd remember him better that way. ]
I promised, didn't I?
[ He hasn't forgotten, though he wouldn't be surprised if Edgin forgot. Then again, revel and remember, right ]
At least... I want to write to her. Even if she never writes back.
[ Bones makes a face like he swallowed something sour. Edgin is about the only person he can say that kind of thing freely. Being undead is... a mixed blessing, at best. It's nice how much Edgin gets it. ]
I dunno what she'll think, honestly. But I'd rather she hear from me, even if I'm different now.
[ It's a better "different" compared to how he used to be, but humans might not agree with that. And considering that he gets his meals by drink blood out of a coffee cup, he doesn't always agree with it too much himself. ]
I think she'll be more interested in the other kind of differences. How you want to be part of her life, for one.
[ Yeah the vampirism sure was a thing, and Edgin had obviously just been talking about his own concerns with that, but, he's trying to focus on the positives here. ]
[ Edgin sure knows what to say. Bones looks at him with pure gratitude, a warm determination on his features. He could keep beating himself up about how he wasn't there for her (and he will, some other time,) but when Edgin says it, it's easier to focus on the positives. ]
Good point. I wasn't much of a father for her, back then. I'd like to think... even being what I am, that I could do better now.
[ Bones barks a laugh, taking Edgin's hand and squeezing tight. ]
That's only 'cause I'm a whole lot nicer to the people I care about than the rest of the assholes in this castle.
[ Well, and Jim. But he's not mean to Jim, he just teases him. And yells sometimes. But only if he has it coming. Still, the words cut deep, and Bones looks away almost on principle. ]
Dunno if I can claim to be 'good,' but hearing it from you makes me want to believe it, Ed.
I think it must be about intentions. Being good, I mean.
[ People imply and tell him he's good and kind pretty regularly, but he'd never thought of himself as much of either once he started stealing. And certainly not after his family died. ]
And I've seen your intentions. You want to help people. That's enough, you know? You just gotta use that same instinct.
[ Bones' smile is warm, though he looks down at their joined hands. He knows from his own heart that Edgin probably feels the same way. How can they claim to be good, when they've hurt the people closest to them? ]
I guess I wanna help people to make up for all the ways I've messed up in the past.
[ He looks up at Edgin, admiring his kind features, and allowing his calm encouragement to wash over him. If Joanna saw him now... would she understand as well as Edgin does? He hopes so. ]
You'll do right just be being you. By being around.
[ Edgin's certain in this, even if he's a whole hell of a lot less certain on what he'd do if Kira was still alive somehow. Some things were simply easier to see when they involved other people. ]
[ Ain't that just the way... Bones would say the same, but he wants to help Edgin feel better, and that means focusing on himself. This is all difficult to talk about with other people, but Edgin gets it. And if talking about this can help Edgin with his pain, then all the better. ]
If I can actually manage it. She'd have to be here for me to see too much of 'er, and I don't think my heart could take it if she showed up at Courtsheart with some rando as her maker.
[ Actually, saying it now, he starts to shake his head. He may be overdoing it for the sake of being dramatic, or he may really think this way... ]
Edgin, that's my baby girl. If she showed up here, I'd... I'd send 'er home straight to her momma, I don't care who tries to stop me.
Yeah, don't think too hard about that one. Letters are better--and, you know, you might get to leave sometime. That's how I found Jim.
[ oh two horrible topics in one response, thinking about their kids showing up here and thinking about jim who left him.
But he definitely doesn't want to go down the what if of their daughters showing up here. Edgin already knows the answer to that. He'd fight everyone until a Black Court vampire had to stick a dread blade in his heart, and even then he wouldn't stop until he ran out of every drop of his blue blood. ]
[ Bones shakes his head, trying to work those thoughts out of his head. It's easier to do so when he focuses on Edgin, and oh -- they'd been doing a good job of avoiding any talk of Jim (aka: the source of Edgin's pain) for a while now, so Bones is happy to keep things on him, avoiding that particular Novice-shaped problem.
Bones is gonna have to talk to Jim about this when he gets a chance. The kid can't just avoid Edgin forever, not for both their sakes'. For right now though, he'll focus on the things he can do. Getting a letter out to his daughter seems reasonable compared to all that. ]
Yeah, a letter's probably a good startin' point.
[ He sighs. Somehow talking about this hypothetical is much easier than the one where he does everything in his power to save his daughter from this same fate. ]
I wouldn't wanna surprise her, showing up like this. My ex-wife knows I went to Courtsheart, but she probably figures I got 'thralled. Not like she had any reason to think I'd make it.
Edited (he's already dead oops) 2024-03-06 22:57 (UTC)
[ Bones's eyes warm, Edgin's clear belief in him hits him like a blow to the chest. Jocelyn may have believed in him like that once, but in the years leading up to their split...? No, he'd proven her wrong countless times. But he doesn't want to argue it, and Edgin is hurting, this isn't about him. ]
Appreciate the vote of confidence, Ed. Don't think she'd share it, but there's really only one way to find out.
[ And that is... to reach out to her. And his daughter. Bones exhales a breath uselessly. ]
Uh, actually, how would I get a letter out of here? Black Court controls everything going in and out, don't they?
[ Bones really hasn't even tried writing a letter. He knows the name of his village and everything, but would they even still be there? He only gives Edgin the slightest of looks, brow arching in interest. ]
There's a story there, I'll bet. But you won't hear me complainin', I just wanna get in touch with her. Don't matter what it takes.
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[ Oh, now the attention is on him. Bones feels a bit like a deer in headlights, knowing he walked himself into this. And wouldn't it be kinder, to play for Edgin than make the man play when he's obviously upset? Shit. Not that Bones' choice in music is going to do much for Edgin's mood. ]
You wanna hear it? It ain't much good, I'm a doctor not a musician.
[ But he does swing the strap over his shoulder, walking back to join Edgin. It's pretty clear he's already decided. He's doing this. ]
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[ It's a gentle correction, but one he feels like making clear all the same. But he waits patiently for him to start, otherwise. ]
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I've just got the chorus so far.
[ He knows the chords, hands finding their place easily. He'd picked up guitar as a teenager, wanting to impress Jocelyn and maybe play something for his mom and dad. Pretty soon he'd gotten too busy with work and taking over the clinic, but in those rare instances where he wasn't a disaster, he'd played for his wife and daughter.
Now he's playing for Edgin. It's still scary as hell, but he cares about Ed. So he starts, singing the chorus slowly, his low drawl making for an even more sorrowful song. ]
Tongue Tied
I can feel the shadows
Your eyes
I don't know 'em now...
[ Shit, he started learning this song about missing his daughter, but with how Edgin's feeling, this might have been a bad idea. ]
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It's lovely, really, and he finds himself relaxing a bit, giving into the shared sorrow between them. Maybe it was easier if they both carried it. ]
That's good. Sad.
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Tongue Tied
I can feel the shadows
Oh I...
I don't know you now
[ He smiles sadly, finishing off the rest of the chorus and playing a few extra chords, just to give the song a smoother ending for now. Edgin makes it so much easier to think about his sadness and his family. Bones would be embarrassed to be so raw around most anyone else but him. ]
That's, uh. That's all I've got so far.
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I can feel it, though. It's good.
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Thanks, man.
[ He can't call it flattery, when it's so clearly not. Bones takes the guitar off of his shoulders, and onto his lap. Edgin's talked about plenty tonight, maybe his problems might distract him more still. ]
I thought about what I'd wanna say, you know, if I meet Joanna after all these years. Well, I couldn't decide what I'd say, so...
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[ In big ways and small ways. And he's touched to hear this about Bones, to be let in on these intimidate details of his life. ]
Have you thought about sending a letter, still?
[ He almost reminds him he promised, but Bones did promise a very drunk Edgin and Edgin isn't sure he wants to relive that. ]
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I promised, didn't I?
[ He hasn't forgotten, though he wouldn't be surprised if Edgin forgot. Then again, revel and remember, right ]
At least... I want to write to her. Even if she never writes back.
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[ He hasn't forgotten. Revel and remember. ]
At least she'll know you're still alive. [ wait ] Well, not alive. Undying.
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[ Bones makes a face like he swallowed something sour. Edgin is about the only person he can say that kind of thing freely. Being undead is... a mixed blessing, at best. It's nice how much Edgin gets it. ]
I dunno what she'll think, honestly. But I'd rather she hear from me, even if I'm different now.
[ It's a better "different" compared to how he used to be, but humans might not agree with that. And considering that he gets his meals by drink blood out of a coffee cup, he doesn't always agree with it too much himself. ]
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[ Yeah the vampirism sure was a thing, and Edgin had obviously just been talking about his own concerns with that, but, he's trying to focus on the positives here. ]
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Good point. I wasn't much of a father for her, back then. I'd like to think... even being what I am, that I could do better now.
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I'm sure you could. You're a good man, even if you try to convince people otherwise with that bedside demeanor of yours.
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That's only 'cause I'm a whole lot nicer to the people I care about than the rest of the assholes in this castle.
[ Well, and Jim. But he's not mean to Jim, he just teases him. And yells sometimes. But only if he has it coming. Still, the words cut deep, and Bones looks away almost on principle. ]
Dunno if I can claim to be 'good,' but hearing it from you makes me want to believe it, Ed.
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[ People imply and tell him he's good and kind pretty regularly, but he'd never thought of himself as much of either once he started stealing. And certainly not after his family died. ]
And I've seen your intentions. You want to help people. That's enough, you know? You just gotta use that same instinct.
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I guess I wanna help people to make up for all the ways I've messed up in the past.
[ He looks up at Edgin, admiring his kind features, and allowing his calm encouragement to wash over him. If Joanna saw him now... would she understand as well as Edgin does? He hopes so. ]
Thanks. I hope I can do right by her, somehow.
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[ Edgin's certain in this, even if he's a whole hell of a lot less certain on what he'd do if Kira was still alive somehow. Some things were simply easier to see when they involved other people. ]
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If I can actually manage it. She'd have to be here for me to see too much of 'er, and I don't think my heart could take it if she showed up at Courtsheart with some rando as her maker.
[ Actually, saying it now, he starts to shake his head. He may be overdoing it for the sake of being dramatic, or he may really think this way... ]
Edgin, that's my baby girl. If she showed up here, I'd... I'd send 'er home straight to her momma, I don't care who tries to stop me.
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[ oh two horrible topics in one response, thinking about their kids showing up here and thinking about jim who left him.
But he definitely doesn't want to go down the what if of their daughters showing up here. Edgin already knows the answer to that. He'd fight everyone until a Black Court vampire had to stick a dread blade in his heart, and even then he wouldn't stop until he ran out of every drop of his blue blood. ]
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Bones is gonna have to talk to Jim about this when he gets a chance. The kid can't just avoid Edgin forever, not for both their sakes'. For right now though, he'll focus on the things he can do. Getting a letter out to his daughter seems reasonable compared to all that. ]
Yeah, a letter's probably a good startin' point.
[ He sighs. Somehow talking about this hypothetical is much easier than the one where he does everything in his power to save his daughter from this same fate. ]
I wouldn't wanna surprise her, showing up like this. My ex-wife knows I went to Courtsheart, but she probably figures I got 'thralled. Not like she had any reason to think I'd make it.
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[ he says it like there's no doubt in his mind; like he can't imagine a scenario where Bones was enthralled. ]
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Appreciate the vote of confidence, Ed. Don't think she'd share it, but there's really only one way to find out.
[ And that is... to reach out to her. And his daughter. Bones exhales a breath uselessly. ]
Uh, actually, how would I get a letter out of here? Black Court controls everything going in and out, don't they?
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[ Edgin looks a little sheepish, like he's admitting something bad: ]
I, uh, know a guy. I think he's still in the business.
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[ Bones really hasn't even tried writing a letter. He knows the name of his village and everything, but would they even still be there? He only gives Edgin the slightest of looks, brow arching in interest. ]
There's a story there, I'll bet. But you won't hear me complainin', I just wanna get in touch with her. Don't matter what it takes.
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